Loki x Reader - He knows (OneShot)

This is my first Marvel x Reader, so please, be kind~ (this contains spoilers from Thor: The Dark World, just so you know!)

“He Knows” Loki x Reader

You couldn’t believe it. Was it true…? No... no, you refused to believe it.  He couldn’t be dead. You had been asked to keep an eye on Vanaheim little over a month ago during the final peace negotiations, and yet in such a small space of time, so much had happened… so much had changed. Frigga, The kind and wise Queen had died protecting a Midguardian, Thor had only just managed to stop the destruction of all nine realms, and had intern chosen to return to Midguard, and Loki had… Just thinking of it brought tears to the corner of your eyes; you attempted to blink them away but failed miserably.  You chastised yourself for crying in front of the Allfather.  You had no right to mourn before the likes of him; it was beyond inappropriate and disgraceful.  He had not only lost his beloved wife, but Loki as well.  Even if they didn’t get along all the time (though that was putting it lightly) Odin still raised Loki as his son. 

Your confusion and inability to control your emotions began to gnaw at you, almost as if your own emotions were baiting you.  Thor and Loki were your oldest friends, and even after everything the younger brother had done, you, like Frigga, chose not to let him wither away alone in a dungeon cell. You had been there, talking with the sulky prince just over four weeks ago, but now, he was dead.  Your mind lingered on all the memories you had of both him and Thor while growing up, watching his struggle, his pain, joy and sorrow… You tried to push the memories out of your mind, but found yourself unable to.  Why was it so hard for you to let him go…? You had family members and friends die in combat before, and to many people it was considered an honourable way to die, you had still mourned their loss, but were able to at least to hide your emotions in front of others… so why was his death so different? Why did your heartache every time you thought of his face?

Slowly anger washed over the already chaotic and unordered emotions within your mind.  It was all too much, a thousand thoughts ran through you head, but none made sense, your limbs were stinging in the cool afternoon air, yet they remained unmoving and tense, and your heart… By the God’s you heart was racing at an unbelievable speed. You didn’t know if you were going to fall to the ground crying, punch a hole in the wall, or throw-up, but you knew if you stood under Odin’s intense gaze for a moment longer, you would only manage to humiliate yourself further. Keeping your eyes fixed on the numerous stairs that cascaded beneath the throne, you rose to your feet, albeit shaky, and forced your voice to work,
“Thank you, My Lord, for telling me this all…” Your voice was dry and raspy, Odin gave you a curt nod, “May I take my leave now Sire?” Your voice cracked, damn it.  You bit your lower lip, attempting to stop your ragged breathing, but a choked sob still managed to escape your throat.  You kept your head down, hoping whatever stray (h/c) hairs would cover your still watery eyes.
“(Name),” Odin called, you weren’t quite able to tell if his voice was stern or soft, but you were still weary to meet his gaze. You heard The Allfather stand and begin to descend the stairs; the soft clicking sound of his shoes filled the now silent throne room.  Odin stopped a few meters in front of you, and you could feel his eyes burrowing deep into your skin. “Why are you so distressed, (Name)? I thought a warrior such as yourself would be more capable at controlling your own emotions.” Disappointment laced his words, and something else, irritation…? “Do you really wish Thor back so badly that you have completely lost control of yourself?” his words this time had a distinct hint of bitterness.  Why did he think you wanted Thor…? Perhaps at one stage you had such a desire, many women throughout Asgard did, but as you grew closer to the brothers, you found yourself drawn too… suddenly a lump formed in your throat. That was why…
“No Sir… that’s not it,” you managed, just above a whisper.
“Then what is it?” he asked,
“I’m unable to control my emotions… because it has taken me over this long to realise… so long in fact, that the man I loved is now dead, and he will never know it…” it took all of your strength not to burst out in tears and fall to the floor.  Odin stood still, your vision was blurred from unshed tears, but you could have sworn you saw his eyes widen.  Odin stepped forward and placed his hand to rest under your chin, and lifted your gaze to meet his. A knot began to form in your stomach,
“Believe me _________,” that voice was not Odin’s… suddenly your limbs lost all of their strength, and you found yourself falling toward the ground.  However, before you hit the cold, stone floor, a strong arm looped around your waist, and pulled you towards the owner. Your (e/c) eyes lifted just in time to see the last of Odin’s face disappear under a wave of green magic, only to be replaced with Loki’s. “He knows…”

Your breath hitched, and, for the first time since entering the throne room, you willingly let the tears fall,
“L-Loki…?” you breathed as your hand raised, allowing your fingertips to gently trail over his soft cheek. Your eyes widened in surprise as your fingers were met with his familiar, warm flesh.  A gentle smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.  Your breathing slowly but surely became more ragged as the sight before you sunk in, and you couldn’t stop yourself from throwing your arms around his neck and pulling him into a tight hug.  He too wrapped his arms around your torso, welcoming your warmth.  He began whispering sweet nothings into your ear as you happily took in his scent.  The familiar note of spices, cinnamon and cloves, mixed with the earthly scents of sun-warmed woodlands, filled your senses, the warmth of his body against yours sent a pleasant tingle through your core, the gentle touch of his skin was sending a pulsating energy through the both of you and the continuous hum of his voice was calming.  “That was such a cruel prank Loki…” you murmured into his ear, you were sure your voice was barely audible, but the fact that Loki shifted uncomfortable let you know he had heard.
“Forgive me…” He muttered.  You half laughed at his request, a large grin stretched across your face,
“Don’t I always?” you pulled away from each other, but you brows furrowed when you met his gaze. He was no longer smiling; his eyes were serious and cold, but let slip small hints of sorrow and longing.  Something was definitely not right.
“If you remember but one thing from this evening, remember that I love you.” His fingers gently ran across your jaw.  You opened you mouth to ask what he meant, but he took that opportunity to kiss you. His lips moulded almost perfectly to yours, as your bodies did the same.  Loki’s arms held you tightly against him, his tongue gently trailed against your bottom lip, asking for entrance, which you were more than happy to give.  His tongue entered your mouth quickly, exploring every crevice and nook it could reach.  One of your hands ran up his chest to tangle in his once perfectly slicked back raven hair, the other settling for the crook of his neck.  Loki pulled away, leaving the both of you gasping for air.  The raven haired man brushed a few stray (h/c) locks from your eyes, which then locked with his bright green ones.  He still looked troubled, his hand came to rest on your cheek, “Forgive me (Name),”
“For what…?” you pushed.
“…This…” he barely managed to say.  Again his answer left you confused.  Your eyebrows knotted together questioning him, though; the next instant answered your unspoken question.  Loki’s fisted hand hit you square in the temple, sending your entire body hurtling towards the ground.  Pain shot through you like lightning, making your head spin and vison blur.  Though, the latter may have been due to tears and not the hit.  You managed to remain conscious just long enough to see Loki transform back into Odin and call for the guards, his voice stern and unshaken, but eyes filled with grief.

***

Soft chattering between two people caused you to stir, your (e/c) eyes fluttered open slowly, the blinding yellow light hanging above you made your head throb more. A groan escaped your lips as you attempted to sit up. However your efforts were met with resistance from someone above you.
“Please, (Name), you should remain lying down,” said a calm and soft female voice.  You blinked a few times, which thankfully cleared your vision.  One person was leaving the room, and you didn’t recognise the woman above you.  She had a healer’s uniform on and wore a gentle smile that would soothe even the hottest temper. The woman gave you one last glance to make sure you had returned to laying down before turning and busying herself with vials of different coloured liquids,
“Am I in the healing bay..?” you asked, rubbing your pulsating head, the woman turned back around. 
“Yes. The Allfather had you sent here yesterday evening after you collapsed.  How is your head? You had a pretty nasty fall…” she asked, returning to your side.
“I’m fine,” you replied. Worry flashed through her eyes, but she nodded and returned to the vials. Your arm flopped back against the soft bed as you tried to recall what had happened the past day. 

You had returned to Asgard after a month away… The Warriors Three and Sif had greeted you, but when you asked about the destruction around the palace, and the complete and utter lack of Thor, they shared nervous looks.  Just when you thought they were going to tell you, a messenger from The King arrived… You met him in the throne room and he had told you- Your breath hitched. That was right, Loki… Loki and Frigga had… The tears that stung at the corner of your eyes made your head hurt and spin even worse than before.
“It appears that you remember what I told you yesterday evening…” The King’s voice called from the doorway.  Your head snapped around to him, and the healer jumped almost ten feet in the air, actions she quickly corrected with a long curtsy. 
“My Lord I-” she said. Odin raised his hand, to stop her.
“Thank you, you may leave us…” the healer woman nodded curtly, exiting quickly.

Odin made his way to your side as you attempted again to sit up, with more success this time, but no less dizziness and pain. 
“Allfather, please forgive me for such-“
“There is no need to apologise, (Name), it is almost understandable.” He said, to which you nodded in reply. 
“Thank you…” you said.  A brief moment of silence passed between the two of you before The King said his goodbye and turned to leave.  Sunlight flooded the entrance of the small room and bounced off of his silver hair, turning it a brilliant shade of gold.  Just before he passed through the threshold, he stopped.
“(Name), I will not pretend to know the inner workings of Loki’s mind,” he paused for a moment; you could have sworn that in the gleam of the sunlight, you saw Odin smile, was it bitterly, or… filled with satire? You couldn’t quite tell. “But I am sure that if he knew he had your love from the beginning, he would not have strayed as far as he did.” As the sentence progressed, his tone became more serious, and harsh.
“How can you be so sure of such a thing Milord?” You stopped, trying to form the emotions and thoughts in your head into one coherent sentence.  But after a few moments of opening and closing your mouth in pure and utter failure, the irritation you felt towards yourself returned, “-and besides, we’ll never know for sure… I never had the chance to tell him my feelings whatsoever and even if I did-” Your words began melding together, Odin turned around to face you which stopped your almost incoherent speech,
“Believe me, (Name).” He paused, “…He knows.” he said sternly before turning and leaving.  

His phrasing confused you… ‘He knows’…? That – it just made no sense. ‘I know’. If he were talking about himself, or ‘He knew’, when referring to Loki would have made sense, but ‘He knows’… you closed your eyes as a scene suddenly played out in your mind. Loki, standing in the throne room in front of you, his smile and warm touch, his familiar scent and deep voice… and… a kiss… you opened your eyes, gasping slightly.  Was it a dream? No. It couldn’t have been, you had never dreamed in such vivid detail before.  It felt so real, but it couldn’t be. Loki was dead… ‘-remember that I love you…’ Loki’s voice echoed through your head again and again, almost succeeding in bringing you to tears. That dream wasn’t real, you had never been able to confess your feelings to him, but something deep in your heart told you,

He knows.